getting there: matri
Sometimes when people ask why I don’t have kids, or ask if want to have kids, I just shrug and tell them I never wanted to commit to a hetero-normative lifestyle out of societal obligation. But honestly, I just feel like I’ve been a mother a thousand times. So many lifetimes of motherhood. I am alright with skipping it this time if it isn’t forced upon me. The only part of it that gives me doubt is that I’m really good at it. Now, if you know me, you know that I rarely say positive things about myself with confidence, but this feels true. I can’t explain it. But knowing that bringing a life into the world successfully, with love and openness, might be the best thing I could possibly do. It’s such hubris to think that, especially when so many lives are brought in without love. But, I’m comforted by the knowing that I can always support those existing lives whenever I’m ready.
Mātṛ (मातृ).—f. [mān pūjāyāṃ tṛc nalopaḥ Uṇādi-sūtra 2.94]1) A mother; मातृवत् परदारेषु यः पश्यति स पश्यति (mātṛvat paradāreṣu yaḥ paśyati sa paśyati); सहस्रं तु पितॄन् माता गौरवेणातिरिच्यते (sahasraṃ tu pitṝn mātā gauraveṇātiricyate) Subhāṣ माता किल मनुष्याणां देवतानां च दैवतम् (mātā kila manuṣyāṇāṃ devatānāṃ ca daivatam) Madhyamavyāyoga 1.37; माता च परमं दैवतं समा च पुत्रेषु इत्येतैरुपबध्यमानो जननीवचनोऽवगम्यते (mātā ca paramaṃ daivataṃ samā ca putreṣu ityetairupabadhyamāno jananīvacano’vagamyate) ŚB. on MS.1.1.14.2) Mother as a term of respect or endearment; मातर्लक्ष्मि भजस्व कंचिदपरम् (mātarlakṣmi bhajasva kaṃcidaparam) Bhartṛhari 3.64,87; अयि मातर्देवयजनसंभवे देवि सीते (ayi mātardevayajanasaṃbhave devi sīte) Uttararāmacarita 4.3) A cow.4) An epithet of Lakṣmī.5) An epithet of Durgā.6) Ether, sky.7) The earth.8) A divine mother; मातृभ्यो बलिमुपहर (mātṛbhyo balimupahara) Mṛcchakaṭika 1.9) An epithet of Revatī.1) Name of several plants; आखुकर्णी, इन्द्रवारुणी (ākhukarṇī, indravāruṇī) and जटामांसी (jaṭāmāṃsī) &c. -pl.1) An epithet of the divine mothers, said to attend on Śiva, but usually on Skanda. (They are usually said to be 8 :-brāhmī māheśvarī caṇḍī vārāhī vaiṣṇavī tathā | kaumārī caiva cāmuṇḍā carciketyaṣṭa mātaraḥ || or, according to some, only seven :-brāhmī māheśvarī caiva kaumārī vaiṣṇavī tathā | māhendrī caiva vārāhī cāmuṇḍā sapta mātaraḥ || Some increase the number to sixteen).2) Name of eight classes of female ancestors of Manes. -m.1) A measurer.2) Ved. A maker, builder, creator.3) A knower, one having true knowledge.4) Life or soul
